The beginning if the end... Maybe!

It happened a few days ago the digital apocalypse of my social media life! I deleted it all Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, Instagram, and even Myspace. I am almost entirely off the grid, except for Blogger of course. How could I get rid of the one outlet that never judged me for my continuing fascination with world domination, deathrays, mass midget annihilation, and if course the ever present task of plotting the demise of that energizer bunny. Going, going, gone bunny ears time to collect a pink fuzzy rabbits foot!

I have decided it has been to long since I last blogged so I thought I would thoe one out there.

For a long time one of my favorite things to do when I am in public and bored is people watch. While people watching it has always amazed me that people forget they are in public, and do some disgusting things!! While waiting at the pharmacy CVS the other day I saw 6 people come and go. Of those six, three committed the following 1 nose pick and sleeve wipe, 1 wedgie pick and butt scratch, and finally 1 pants crotch adjust, the last one is possibly the most disturbing seeing as it was female and I'm pretty sure it wasn't the pants making her uncomfortable, poor girl!!

Watching all this occurred made me hypersensitive to my own actions in public, I am now very aware of people who may be watching or cameras who may watching!

New games to play!

Back to bloogosphere, back to my own little reality!

I have created a new game we shall call it Smellevator!

Everytime you walk into a Elevator your goal is to identify all odors present. I know it sounds gross and it is but I get bored on the elevator as I journey from the 2nd floor to the 3rd floor and need to entertain myself.

Other games still in the testing process:

Derail the Train: Objective of the game is If you find yourself walking in the middle of a large crowd to stop abruptly and see how many people run into your back. In order to be classified as a Derailment a minimum of three people must crash into you at the same time.

Back Up: When standing in a crowded area begin to slowly back up and see and how many people you can get to move out of the way. If you can successfuly make it through the crowd without running into anyone you will have achieved Ninja status in back up.

Blair Witch Winning: Objective to stand for five minutes with your nose in the corner, hands behind your back, of a busy common area without having someone ask you what you are doing.

Oh the Return has been painful!

I challenge thee!


For the rest of the weekend I challenge you to respond to all initial questions or statements such as "Hey" or “Question?” with the most random answer possible!

Examples:

Woman: "Question?"
Man: Only on Tuesday but not since Godzilla took over

Man: Can I ask you question?
Man: It was purple but it chaffed so I stopped wearing it

Woman: Hey
Woman: Nope but if it was up to me Abe Lincoln would be played by Conan O'Brien

Sometimes I wish I were the Hulk.

I mean accept for the green skin and the purple pants he's a pretty awesome guy. Granted he has a temper issue but isnt it always directed at someone who is doing something bad? Whats wrong with that. I mean he calms down eventually and has to buy new clothes - You figure he would buy something beside purple but hey maybe thats his thing or maybe it goes best with green skin. But in the grand scheme of things dont we all wish we had the nerve to stand up to something that makes us mad.

The joys of Spandex

This goes out to all those poeplea who decide it would be a good idea to wear their workout clothes in public.

First and foremost please remember the following rules
Rule number 1 of spandex just because it comes in your size doesnt mean you should wear it.

Rule number 2 if it doesnt come in your size that doesnt mean you should buy the smaller size because it stretches.

Rule number 3 - Please remember that if at any point you plan on sweating while wearing your yellow spandex to please wear the appropriate undergarments. A black thong is not listed in the "appropriate"
catagory in this situation. Please note rules 1 and 2 apply to black thongs as well.

Rule number 4 - For the sake of small impressionable children and any adult who is not blind, please do not wear an old white sports bra with said spandex and pretend like its a work out top.

Rule number 5 - And this one is probably the most important one of all, for the love of Pete you should never ever ever ever ever evere ever ever bend over at your waist to pick up something on the bottom shelf while wearing the above attire. I believe it breaks one of the Ten Commandments -
Thou shalt not commit murder, because everyone within line of sight wished they were not alive to view that.

So I want to end with an apology to everyone that had to endure my outfit yesterday it really was a bad choice!
And your welcome for the visual!

Two Guys, Three girls, and four huge packages of toilet paper!

I remember the days of peewee football; the Friday Pep rallies, wearing our jerseys to school, getting a special lunch for being on the team. (For those of you not from Texas, football rules the life of an average kid from flag through high school) But some of my fondest memories come from the Friday nights before the games. To wake up to giggling voices as the cheerleaders’ toilet paper every tree in your front yard! Or to be chased from the front yard of the cheerleaders by a very angry father who is not scared to throw things at kids or call your parents and rat you out that you had snuck out of the house at two in the morning. So when you do get home and sneak through your window, your Mom can scare the ever-living crap out of you by jumping out of your closet. Not that, that ever happened I’m just saying it could! But I digress, where was I, oh yes, the other day my wife and I were driving down the road and we saw three “tween” age girls walking down the street carrying four large packages of toilet paper, I’m talking twenty four packs here people. It was actually funny because one of the girls was trying to carry two packages and together they had to of weighed more than her, she was having some trouble. I laughed out loud at these girls because that scene could only lead to one scenario with multiple endings.

But as we drove on the plot thickened – about seventy-five yards behind these girls were two boys, obviously trying hard not to be seen by the girls and appeared they were doing a good job. This changes the scenario completely and in tomorrows blog I will play these two scenarios out in what I would like to call –

MTV The Real World Mode!