The Two for one blog special!

The evil twins who were not twins but were very evil!

I lay quietly in bed, as still as humanly possible, the images of those deranged, psychotic miscreants of humanity, danced through my thoughts. It was four in the morning and I could not sleep, I knew I would have to face them, just as I do everyday, but why, why was I being subjected to such horrors. I'll tell you why, because when someone is evil they must pursecute the good, the wicked are always trying to keep a brotha down. Gotta fight the power my brotha's, oh wait sorry wrong story. Where was I, yes and so I lay there dreading the day to come, dreading the hour that I must remove myself from an attempt at sleep, dreading the minutes that I glide along the Dart Rail (Oh how i hate you Fatty Fattest McFatmna), dreading the seconds I spend waiting for the elevator. Ding! "Welcome to hell, Lucifer and his evil minions will be serving all your needs of torture and suffering today, please enjoy your stay!" I can't get it out of my head "What are you doing? Why are you doing that? Uhm, is there a reason your not on the phone? Don't you think?" Thats all they ever say! Why can't I get a normal hell like everyone else, you know eternal loneliness, constant burning sensation, void of anything and everything, leaving you to be tortured by the deafening silence. No, I get the wonder twins and the magical powers of NAG!

How I thwarted the evil plot of the Osama Bin Ladin and his reign of terror on the Dart Rail.

I dont want to brag I mean Daniel is merely one man, but today on the train Daniel amazed even himself. Now Daniel doesn't normally speak in third person but it felt right since Daniel did what only heros do, Daniel saved lives! Let us relive the moment through the Daniel's eyes. As ususal Daniel was dressed from head to toe in an Armani suit prepared for a long day of high powered meetings and screaming conference calls, Daniel was just being Daniel that day just like Daniel is everyday!
But today was different, Daniel felt a strange feeling in the air, a tingling on theback fo Daniel's neck made him shiver, and Daniel doesn't shiver! Daniel scanned the car for the danger, and there three rows back from Daniel, sat a lone man who was not Daniel, he looked nervous, like he was trying to hide something. Daniel saw his eyes dart back and froth from door to door looking for what seemed to be an escape. Daniel, knew something was wrong, and he lept into action! Daniel, being merely a man, grabbed the indivdual by his shirt and lifted him from his seat, and to Daniel's horror he saw it, the most unthinkable thing had been brought on to the train a dog, but not just any dog, as it seemed to was not real but was actually a bomb in dogs clothing!
Daniel ran to the door hit the emergancy open button and threw the "dog" out of the door into a creek. The man sobbed, Daniel understood, after all now that he had not blown up all the American Infadels, he would not receive his appropriate forty virgins as promised! Its odd though daniel thinks he heard the bomb make a shrieking noise, sure it didnt blow up that close the train. And that is how Daniel, thwarted Osama Bin Ladin, and how he got thrown in jail, but as usual, police always get mad when we do their jobs better than them!

Why the train should have TV's

This morning I took a different train than I normally do so I experianced some new people, and I saw something that was very intrigueing. As I watched the whole scene play out I heard the theme for Wild Kingdom playing in my head, and the Narrators voice giving me the play by play of what I was watching. But first let me set the scene:

Location Dart Rail: The Train was particularly busy a lot of people had to stand.
Participants: Two young ladies between the ages of 25-30
Scenario: The Unknown Stare Down!
And the voice began...
Undaunted we begin or daily trek out into the concrete wilderness. We are in search of the rarely seen "Dance of the Insane", the tales of this great dance have been passed from generation to generation, its a chaotic flurry of animalistic movements, people in a frenzy trying simply to stake their claim on this great Hairless Beast known as the DART rail. Every morning it happens time and time again, and this morning we are going to not just observe the chaos we are going to jump head long into the stomach of this mythical monster and experiance the "Dance of the Insane" for ourselves. We charge the wild animal and push ourselves into its mechanical belly, and for the moment we can rest. And then to our delight we spot something rarely caught by the human eye, "The Unknown Stare Down", what luck. There in the midst of the swaying calm of the crowd where two very attractive women, each ina different way, unknowingly staring each other down. One of them obviously of latin descent the other even more obviously of the caucasion persuasion. And for the sake of this documenary, the latine will be know as Maria and the caucasion woman will be known as Ashley. They are the polar opposite of each, Maria is curvacious and very well endowed, while Ashley is very sporty with a very athletic build, and unbeknownst to each other they are taking turns gawking at the others form. Ashley seems entranced with Maria's bustline at times she will push her shoulders back and try to "increase" her own proportions, without success. And when she looks away, Maria will then stare at the waist line of Ashley and at times she will pull in her stomach trying to "decrease" her proportions, again without much success. The battle is back and forth, with no one being the winner, and then as if in defeat Maria, gives in and releases her stomach muscles, and exits the trains. Little does she know as soon as Maria stepped off the train, Ashley let out a deep breath and let her shoulders fall about two inches. There was glorious win for Ashley merely an understanding that if they had gone one more exit she might not have won this battle.
Okay so this should let you know what I do on the train. How bored am I that I notice crap like this. Wow, is all I have to say!