I shall now take a story from history and change one significant thing and see how the outcome would effect the world.
The date is October 23, 1888, Klara Hitler has been informed she is pregnant. As she sits in the doctor's office a million thoughts run through her head, "she had already lost three previous children, could she handle losing a fourth? She was still early in the pregnancy and her husband hadn't noticed the subtle changes. She could easily abort the child and no one would know." An inner Battle began she knew it would be hard to keep that secret but would it be harder to grow attached to another child that would break their hearts again...
... April 20, 1889, today was the due date of her long lost child. She thought she could handle the secret, she thought she could handle the pain, but as time went by it proved to heavy a burden to bare alone. She told in Alois a couple months after the abortion, he left her. Her friends soon found out and she became an outcast, as she sat living room of her now vacant house , she thought to herself, "What if..."
... The date is November 24, 2008, war is still waging at all of our borders. Fro sixty some odd years we had held the German Empire at bay but it seems as though they have tired of our antics. Luckily we are a self sustaining country, However the majority of Europe, along with Australia, South America, and Africa have all been conquered. It is truly the world against the U.S....
To Be Continued...
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
The warmth of warn in, comfortable blog. (Aliens be damned!)
Okay so I abandoned the alien story sue me!
Fine I'll give you the cliff notes.
Come to find out Midgets are really aliens, and they speak French, actually its their native language. They first landed in France in 1357 in hopes of world domination, unfortunately their computers made serious miscalculations and they didn't realize the average human was twice their size! So they bailed on that plan and decided to settle and in and call Earth home. That's why I have a fear a french midgets! Not because they are French or because they are midgets but because they are truly aliens so suck on that "Unsolved Mysteries!" I never saw you air an episode about the The Alien French Midgets!
Now on to more intelligent things -
The quadragammic indophysics of a glaucometer factor and how it can be used to determine trajectory of poo flung by a monkey at the zoo. (You had to know that was leading somewhere stupid if you didn't you haven't been paying close attention to my blog at all!)
And now for my random thought of today: If John and Sue are brother and sister, and Sue and Jennifer are 2ND cousins twice removed, and Jennifer and Raul arent related at all and have never met, does a tree still make a sound when it falls and no one else is around.
If you thought that was random you should have been with me yesterday, I'll just say it involved a 1982 Honda, 2 nuns, a bottle of Gatorade, 3 pieces of floss, a half eaten burrito and a gallon of red paint, now yesterday was random!
Fine I'll give you the cliff notes.
Come to find out Midgets are really aliens, and they speak French, actually its their native language. They first landed in France in 1357 in hopes of world domination, unfortunately their computers made serious miscalculations and they didn't realize the average human was twice their size! So they bailed on that plan and decided to settle and in and call Earth home. That's why I have a fear a french midgets! Not because they are French or because they are midgets but because they are truly aliens so suck on that "Unsolved Mysteries!" I never saw you air an episode about the The Alien French Midgets!
Now on to more intelligent things -
The quadragammic indophysics of a glaucometer factor and how it can be used to determine trajectory of poo flung by a monkey at the zoo. (You had to know that was leading somewhere stupid if you didn't you haven't been paying close attention to my blog at all!)
And now for my random thought of today: If John and Sue are brother and sister, and Sue and Jennifer are 2ND cousins twice removed, and Jennifer and Raul arent related at all and have never met, does a tree still make a sound when it falls and no one else is around.
If you thought that was random you should have been with me yesterday, I'll just say it involved a 1982 Honda, 2 nuns, a bottle of Gatorade, 3 pieces of floss, a half eaten burrito and a gallon of red paint, now yesterday was random!
Thursday, November 13, 2008
The Alien Probe Incident and all that implies!
On Tuesday I was abducted and on Wednesday they said I was annoying and dropped me back on Earth. And I shall now detail my Alien Abduction and the horrors of space travel.
I dont remember much from the initial abduction just that one minute I was watching E.T. and and the next thing I knew I was strapped to a steele table about three sizes two small and stairing at the ceiling of a very small room. It was very confusing but hey it wasnt as weird as some of the stuff I had done in high school so I was game. But I have to be honest when the doors opened and THEY walked through well I kinda changed my mind! At first I could only hear movement they seemed to be close to the ground and their language was familiar but I couldnt quite make it out. I was still a little groggy.
I shook my head to clear away the cobwebs and thats when I caught my first glimpse of my captors, they were freaking midgets, and there were two of them. Not weird looking beings with tentacles and green skin but they were real honest to goodness midgets! I tried to move but with every struggle the straps grew tighter and the midgets laughed.
Oh know one of them was coming closer it had something in its hands its slipped it in my ear, my mind was going to melt, wait was that english I could understand the aliens now as clear as if they were human. The smallest one jumped on my chest and slapped in the face, "Hey Dumbo you understand me?" I wanted to throw him across the room but still no slack in the straps. "Yeah I hear you shorty whats the deal with the rough stuff", truth is I was freaking out but there was no way I was letting shorty mcshort stuff know that. "Who the "expletive"are you?"
"I'm a freaking alien you "expletive", he screamed. Totally unneccessary I felt but I couldnt back down. "No way your a freaking midget!" He looked frustrated, fine if you don't believe me how about a little in flight movie! He slid a pair of Oakleys over my eyes and tiny screen popped to life. Hey maybe they weren't so bad after all.
I dont remember much from the initial abduction just that one minute I was watching E.T. and and the next thing I knew I was strapped to a steele table about three sizes two small and stairing at the ceiling of a very small room. It was very confusing but hey it wasnt as weird as some of the stuff I had done in high school so I was game. But I have to be honest when the doors opened and THEY walked through well I kinda changed my mind! At first I could only hear movement they seemed to be close to the ground and their language was familiar but I couldnt quite make it out. I was still a little groggy.
I shook my head to clear away the cobwebs and thats when I caught my first glimpse of my captors, they were freaking midgets, and there were two of them. Not weird looking beings with tentacles and green skin but they were real honest to goodness midgets! I tried to move but with every struggle the straps grew tighter and the midgets laughed.
Oh know one of them was coming closer it had something in its hands its slipped it in my ear, my mind was going to melt, wait was that english I could understand the aliens now as clear as if they were human. The smallest one jumped on my chest and slapped in the face, "Hey Dumbo you understand me?" I wanted to throw him across the room but still no slack in the straps. "Yeah I hear you shorty whats the deal with the rough stuff", truth is I was freaking out but there was no way I was letting shorty mcshort stuff know that. "Who the "expletive"are you?"
"I'm a freaking alien you "expletive", he screamed. Totally unneccessary I felt but I couldnt back down. "No way your a freaking midget!" He looked frustrated, fine if you don't believe me how about a little in flight movie! He slid a pair of Oakleys over my eyes and tiny screen popped to life. Hey maybe they weren't so bad after all.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
A new day dawns!
The following occurred bewteen the minutes of 6:59Am and 7:00A
I got to the front I paid for the glue and I left.
I know its anticlimactic but its time to move on to bigger and better things!
So tomorrow I'll tell you about the time I was kidnapped by a group of kool- aid drinking, alien worshipping, skin heads who used me as bait for some weird extraterestial being named Milton that never showed up. I never knew that a cell phone, two nine volt batteries, a pair of house slippers, and a nerf gun could be used in a such a weird way!
I got to the front I paid for the glue and I left.
I know its anticlimactic but its time to move on to bigger and better things!
So tomorrow I'll tell you about the time I was kidnapped by a group of kool- aid drinking, alien worshipping, skin heads who used me as bait for some weird extraterestial being named Milton that never showed up. I never knew that a cell phone, two nine volt batteries, a pair of house slippers, and a nerf gun could be used in a such a weird way!
Friday, November 7, 2008
Second post in one day: Pardon me while I vent a little!
It has been brought to my attention that people in the blogosphere are being censored to a point. Told that they need to watch what they say, or that their blog is offensive because they use satire by saying things like "Go blog yourself, or mother blogger". It amazes me that people try to tel other people they can't have an opinion about something, or they can't those kinds of words.Well I got to thinking and I realized a few points about those kinds of people.
1. Those people who think they can tell other people what they can or can't write obviously don't have an understanding of the constitution and the link it has with the world wide web. So let me break it down for you. The constitution gives me freedom of speech, freedom of press, and a few freedoms that I won't go into here. The world wide web gives me an outlet for that freedom. See when I disagree with some one's views then I simply don't read what they right. Just like if I don't like a TV show, I don't watch it, a radio station I don't listen too it and a democrat for president I don't vote for him. Cause just as much as I have the freedom to say what I want, you have the freedom to not listen, read, watch, or even care. Or even say how you feel as opposing opinion against mine, but it doesn't give you the freedom of censorship.
2. They feel it's their duty to stop you. Why, I ask, why is it your duty to stop me. Did you know time and time again it has been proven that the bigger the deal you make of something in opposition the bigger the support it receives. A simple little blog written by an individual that may contain an opinion of that does not match yours and you set the web on fire trying to oppose it. But what if you the "champion of truth and all that is right" had just said you know what that's their opinion what are you gonna do, would there have been a stink raised at all. Nine times out of ten no it would have gone unnoticed.
3. Those people tend to live in a constant state of fear that someone is talking about them. I could write a line as vague as "Man they get on my nerves!" And this type of person automatically assumes I am talking about them. How vain are you that you think people are focused on you, and if the are then who cares! I mean unless its a direct personal attack then really why are you so upset. Because believe it or not they may not be talking about you.
So I have some advice for those people: Maybe if you focused on your stuff more than everybody elses you wouldn't be so paranoid. And maybe if you pulled your head out of your butt and realized we are all entitled to our own opinion then you could refer back to the first sentence of my advice. And two instead of ramming your opinion down other people's throats how about sharing your opinion as simply that YOUR opinion. You might find that those freedoms we talked about at first include you too!
1. Those people who think they can tell other people what they can or can't write obviously don't have an understanding of the constitution and the link it has with the world wide web. So let me break it down for you. The constitution gives me freedom of speech, freedom of press, and a few freedoms that I won't go into here. The world wide web gives me an outlet for that freedom. See when I disagree with some one's views then I simply don't read what they right. Just like if I don't like a TV show, I don't watch it, a radio station I don't listen too it and a democrat for president I don't vote for him. Cause just as much as I have the freedom to say what I want, you have the freedom to not listen, read, watch, or even care. Or even say how you feel as opposing opinion against mine, but it doesn't give you the freedom of censorship.
2. They feel it's their duty to stop you. Why, I ask, why is it your duty to stop me. Did you know time and time again it has been proven that the bigger the deal you make of something in opposition the bigger the support it receives. A simple little blog written by an individual that may contain an opinion of that does not match yours and you set the web on fire trying to oppose it. But what if you the "champion of truth and all that is right" had just said you know what that's their opinion what are you gonna do, would there have been a stink raised at all. Nine times out of ten no it would have gone unnoticed.
3. Those people tend to live in a constant state of fear that someone is talking about them. I could write a line as vague as "Man they get on my nerves!" And this type of person automatically assumes I am talking about them. How vain are you that you think people are focused on you, and if the are then who cares! I mean unless its a direct personal attack then really why are you so upset. Because believe it or not they may not be talking about you.
So I have some advice for those people: Maybe if you focused on your stuff more than everybody elses you wouldn't be so paranoid. And maybe if you pulled your head out of your butt and realized we are all entitled to our own opinion then you could refer back to the first sentence of my advice. And two instead of ramming your opinion down other people's throats how about sharing your opinion as simply that YOUR opinion. You might find that those freedoms we talked about at first include you too!
Clean up on aisle 14: Please bring a mop, a package of depends, and some denture glue!
The following occurred between the minutes of 6:57Am and 6:59AM!
With the caffeine crew behind me I focused on the path ahead it was clear for my taking. I looked down for a second to secure the glue, the sudden sound of squealing tires caught me off guard and I jumped out of the way just in time to avoid a side swipe by an old lady in an electric cart. I hopped to my feet and was about to say something when the woman raised a wrinkled old hand and flipped me the bird. I couldn't believe it, but I didn't have time to get into an aisle rage incident with a grandma. So I switched sides and went against the flow of traffic. Luckily at that hour there's not a lot of people to contend with going in the opposite direction. As I was about to pass granny he yanked hard on the steering handle of the electric card an cut me off. That's when I noticed this cart had been customized. She had side mirrors installed and the front end had bright red flames licking of the front. Again the gnarled old hand came up and again she saluted me with one finger. I could'nt have this, there was a no way I was going to let Hell's Angels the geriatric version keep me from being on time. I looked at my watch 6:58AM! had to move quick so I faked like was going right and the jumped back hard left. She fell for it and cut the cart to hard. She tumbled to the floor like a sack of potatoes, (that's why you wear your seat belts kids!) I jumped on the cart and drove on I was actually gonna make it! My watch still read 6:58, a quick glance in the side mirrors confirmed she was still down, as I rounded the corner her voice faded in the distance, "HELP I'VE FALLEN AND I CANT GET UP!" It was 6:59 when I skidded to halt at the express lane. One minute left!
With the caffeine crew behind me I focused on the path ahead it was clear for my taking. I looked down for a second to secure the glue, the sudden sound of squealing tires caught me off guard and I jumped out of the way just in time to avoid a side swipe by an old lady in an electric cart. I hopped to my feet and was about to say something when the woman raised a wrinkled old hand and flipped me the bird. I couldn't believe it, but I didn't have time to get into an aisle rage incident with a grandma. So I switched sides and went against the flow of traffic. Luckily at that hour there's not a lot of people to contend with going in the opposite direction. As I was about to pass granny he yanked hard on the steering handle of the electric card an cut me off. That's when I noticed this cart had been customized. She had side mirrors installed and the front end had bright red flames licking of the front. Again the gnarled old hand came up and again she saluted me with one finger. I could'nt have this, there was a no way I was going to let Hell's Angels the geriatric version keep me from being on time. I looked at my watch 6:58AM! had to move quick so I faked like was going right and the jumped back hard left. She fell for it and cut the cart to hard. She tumbled to the floor like a sack of potatoes, (that's why you wear your seat belts kids!) I jumped on the cart and drove on I was actually gonna make it! My watch still read 6:58, a quick glance in the side mirrors confirmed she was still down, as I rounded the corner her voice faded in the distance, "HELP I'VE FALLEN AND I CANT GET UP!" It was 6:59 when I skidded to halt at the express lane. One minute left!
Monday, November 3, 2008
Wal-mart must have brain washed my wife!
The following occurred between the minutes of 6:53AM and 6:57AM
At a run now I reached the main aisle and turned left, tools was approximately 15 yards away. I opened up my stride and picked up speed, I was almost there. A quick glance at the watch still 6:53AM only a few seconds had passed. I slowed up a little in order to make the turn and my hip went numb. It felt like I had been shot with a poisoned arrow or stabbed, luckily it was just my phone vibrating. (An over active imagination and paranoia never go well together!) At walk now I pulled my phone and had the flowing conversation:
Me: Hey what’s up?
My Wife: Hey what are you doing?
Me: Libby, you’re waiting in the car you know exactly what I am doing, I’m getting glue!
My Wife: Oh.
Me: What do you need?
My Wife: Nothing I was just bored.
Me: Okay I gotta go, I’ll see in a few minutes.
My Wife: Okay but.
Me: But what?
My Wife: Nothing, never mind.
Me: Libby what is it?
My Wife: Can you hury I am bored.
Me: What do you think I am doing in here reading a book.
My Wife: Okay, do you want to talk to Mitus?
Me: Libby I’m trying to hurry. I’ll be done soon bye!
Had my wife joined forces with Wal-Mart, I would have to address that topic later. But as annoying as that was my body had instinctively kept walking and there I stood on the tool aisle. It was 6:55AM
I grabbed the glue and spun for the main aisle and ran into a wall of teenage nerds. Their eyes were glowing red, most likely caused by an all nighter consisting of Red Bull, Cheetohs, and Rock Band but after what I had already seen I wasn’t in the mood to take any chances. I turned to go the other way met another wall. They didn’t speak they just stood there, staring. But then the humming started it took me a minute to make out the song but once I did I got a creepy oomp - loompa vibe. They were humming the thing song to “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”. That’s when it dawned on me in my pocket was a small cash of caffeine gum, that I use later in the day when coffee just ain’t doing the trick. I took the from pocket ad displayed them in a open hand, the humming stopped, their eyes fixed on my palm. I threw the gum over into the next aisle and watched and they tore after like mad dogs. Again I took off running the time 6:57AM time was running out I was on the main aisle but the register felts miles away!
At a run now I reached the main aisle and turned left, tools was approximately 15 yards away. I opened up my stride and picked up speed, I was almost there. A quick glance at the watch still 6:53AM only a few seconds had passed. I slowed up a little in order to make the turn and my hip went numb. It felt like I had been shot with a poisoned arrow or stabbed, luckily it was just my phone vibrating. (An over active imagination and paranoia never go well together!) At walk now I pulled my phone and had the flowing conversation:
Me: Hey what’s up?
My Wife: Hey what are you doing?
Me: Libby, you’re waiting in the car you know exactly what I am doing, I’m getting glue!
My Wife: Oh.
Me: What do you need?
My Wife: Nothing I was just bored.
Me: Okay I gotta go, I’ll see in a few minutes.
My Wife: Okay but.
Me: But what?
My Wife: Nothing, never mind.
Me: Libby what is it?
My Wife: Can you hury I am bored.
Me: What do you think I am doing in here reading a book.
My Wife: Okay, do you want to talk to Mitus?
Me: Libby I’m trying to hurry. I’ll be done soon bye!
Had my wife joined forces with Wal-Mart, I would have to address that topic later. But as annoying as that was my body had instinctively kept walking and there I stood on the tool aisle. It was 6:55AM
I grabbed the glue and spun for the main aisle and ran into a wall of teenage nerds. Their eyes were glowing red, most likely caused by an all nighter consisting of Red Bull, Cheetohs, and Rock Band but after what I had already seen I wasn’t in the mood to take any chances. I turned to go the other way met another wall. They didn’t speak they just stood there, staring. But then the humming started it took me a minute to make out the song but once I did I got a creepy oomp - loompa vibe. They were humming the thing song to “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”. That’s when it dawned on me in my pocket was a small cash of caffeine gum, that I use later in the day when coffee just ain’t doing the trick. I took the from pocket ad displayed them in a open hand, the humming stopped, their eyes fixed on my palm. I threw the gum over into the next aisle and watched and they tore after like mad dogs. Again I took off running the time 6:57AM time was running out I was on the main aisle but the register felts miles away!
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Wal-mart in french means "The Devil's Playground", I knew there was something wrong with the French!
As I stood there steadying my nerves I allowed my eyes to adjust to flickering fluorescent lights. The constant buzz for the dimming bulbs could drive a person insane, and from the looks of the cleaning crew it had succeeded. They seem to sway back and forth to an unheard song pushing and pulling the mop in a creepy choreographed dance routine. (Imagine thriller except with blue vests, a mop, and a mop bucket).
I weaved my way through the zombie like cleaning crew unnoticed, thankfully. Zombie's eat human brains in case you didn't know. As I passed the checkout stands I locked eyes with a young girl behind the counter her eyes seem to plead for help while her smile said otherwise. I ignored her and looked to the floor as any good citizen in a hurry would do and noticed she was chained to her register, how strange I thought to myself. But I forged on I was 6 minutes into my extra 15 and time was running out.
I picked up my pace and kept my eyes straight ahead I heard miscellaneous voices and noises as I sped by the cosmetic department and bedding. But as I learned from watching movies if you just ignore them they will go away, right? I decided to make a short cut through toys to get to tools. I made a quick right and froze. Huddled in the corner were a group small children ranging in age from 8-11. I knew this was delicate situation and that I was in their territory uninvited, I had to play this careful.
I slowly turned and looked at the nearest toy hoping they hadn't seen me, but that if they had they would think I had a child as well and leave me alone as if I belonged. But time was growing shorter, I turned to make my next step and my shoe squeaked I was screwed almost as if at all of their heads turned and eight little beady eyes were burning a whole though me. As I think back they were probably looking at me like that because of the look of shock on my. Ya see evidently I had interrupted their breakfast, it appeared that one of the night stockers had overstayed his welcome, one of the small children had a name tag with "Marcus" hanging out of her mouth, her face smeared with red. A low growl grew from the group and they began to bare there teeth. I turned and made a mad dash for a main aisle, on my way passed a shirtless man pressed against the wall mumbling something about jelly donuts and animal like kids. I guess Marcus was okay but the jelly donuts didn't make it. Back on the main aisle I checked my watch 7 minutes left...
I weaved my way through the zombie like cleaning crew unnoticed, thankfully. Zombie's eat human brains in case you didn't know. As I passed the checkout stands I locked eyes with a young girl behind the counter her eyes seem to plead for help while her smile said otherwise. I ignored her and looked to the floor as any good citizen in a hurry would do and noticed she was chained to her register, how strange I thought to myself. But I forged on I was 6 minutes into my extra 15 and time was running out.
I picked up my pace and kept my eyes straight ahead I heard miscellaneous voices and noises as I sped by the cosmetic department and bedding. But as I learned from watching movies if you just ignore them they will go away, right? I decided to make a short cut through toys to get to tools. I made a quick right and froze. Huddled in the corner were a group small children ranging in age from 8-11. I knew this was delicate situation and that I was in their territory uninvited, I had to play this careful.
I slowly turned and looked at the nearest toy hoping they hadn't seen me, but that if they had they would think I had a child as well and leave me alone as if I belonged. But time was growing shorter, I turned to make my next step and my shoe squeaked I was screwed almost as if at all of their heads turned and eight little beady eyes were burning a whole though me. As I think back they were probably looking at me like that because of the look of shock on my. Ya see evidently I had interrupted their breakfast, it appeared that one of the night stockers had overstayed his welcome, one of the small children had a name tag with "Marcus" hanging out of her mouth, her face smeared with red. A low growl grew from the group and they began to bare there teeth. I turned and made a mad dash for a main aisle, on my way passed a shirtless man pressed against the wall mumbling something about jelly donuts and animal like kids. I guess Marcus was okay but the jelly donuts didn't make it. Back on the main aisle I checked my watch 7 minutes left...
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