My Lost Innocence!

I remember growing up and watching all these great movies on TV movies like Revenge of The Nerds, Smokey and the Bandit, Die Hard and how clean they were. Now jump twenty years into the future, and I have officially lost my innonence. This week I watched Revenge of the Nerds, a wholesome movie on TV that saw the Nerds put their wits and against the strength of the Jocks and win, sounds like a good "underdog beats the man" movie right? Well thats until I bought the DVD and I saw the seedy underbelly of unedited movies. I was apalled at the way I laughed at that hideous movie and the low brow humor it utilized to make me laugh out loud. I was in pure shock and I vowed that very day to never watch another TV movie ever again for the sanctity of my innocence I shall only watch the DVD from this day forward, that way I will not hate myself later in life for sheltering myself from the real world.

I love my justification skills they rock!!

Phobia of the Day: Epistemophobia- Fear of knowledge.

Number of the Day: 4,456,654

Animal of the Day: African Lion
Panthera leo

How Time got its groove back!

I lay there in bed, eyes half open, mind still floating between dream and reality, the little red numbers breaking through the haze of sleep, 5:45, "I have fifteen minutes before I have to get up, sweet." I rest my eyes for what seems like seconds, if not mili-seconds and when I open them to check the clock my head pops up in horror 6:15. The clock it tricked me those stupid little red numbers, "buy digital" the voice said, "welcome to the future" the sign read, Ha! I had fallen for the slogan of the wicked technology wizard he had sucked me in, And now his wicked minion the clock radio has tricked me with his pretty lights and fancy buttons. Oh how stupid I was to turn my back on the clock hands, yes sometimes they mocked me, made me feel insignificant, but they never lied, never luuled me into a false sense of security only to stab me in the back. Why digital clock why are you this way!!

Phobia of the day: Octophobia - Fear of the figure 8.

Number of the day: 2

Animal of the Day: Headless Chicken

The following image may be disturbing to some, its old and in black and white but it still freaks me out!!

After having its head removed, it continued trying to peck for food. In the end, it lived headless for 18 months

The demise of time's control!

I bought a digital clock, Ha stupid hands!

Phobia of the day: Chronophobia- Fear of time.

Number of the Day: 5:30

Animal of the Day: Marine Iguana - Amblyrhynchus cristatus

The longest minute of my life.

I stand here glaring at the clock hands, trying to use my Jedi mind tricks to speed them up but they only taunt me, those little hands waving ever so politely as if to say yes we are still here but no we wont move until we are supposed to. What do they know, do they have a family to go home to, a job to get away from! No they just sit there a constant reminder that they are in control. Tick tock all day long without a care for our needs or our wants only theirs. Oh how I hate the hands of a clock!

Phobia of the day: Chaetophobia- Fear of hair.

Number of the day: 867-5309

Animal of the Day: Spider Monkey
Ateles

The waste of being fake!

Sick and tired of being sick and tired!

I used to say that all the time! And I meant it I was tired of being in a humdrum mood all the time, and one morning I woke up and I didnt feel anything I mean nothing at all! There was no being sad, no happiness, nothing I had become completely numb! And at that point I knew there a was a conversation I had to have, so God and I talked and he wasn't fake with me. He pointed out a lot of things in my life that I have not paid attention to in awhile and so here is my rant on being fake!

Is it worth it honestly I mean for crying out loud the average person wont live past 85 to 90 years old. So if you do the math it breaks down like this you spend the first 12 to 13 years figuring out how to be fake and then we perfect it over the next 20 to 30 years until we hit our forties and guess what, at that point we get to a point where we have lived long enough that we reach one or two points either we just dont care what people think or we dont have the strength to fake it anymore.

And then for the next 40 to 50 years we spend our time wondering how different things would have been in certain relationships if we had just been honest with those people and not wasted so much tiptoeing through the tulips instead of trudging through the crap we were all dealing with.

So I stand here pulling on my waders and putting on my gasmask cause boys and girls we are about to get waist deep in crap creek and once we get to the other side (because there is always the other side) then anything we face after crap creek will be breeze!

I must warn you though as I have experienced the following in the past please keep an eye out for a monkey the looks oddly like "Curious George" because while he is cute and cuddly he tends to fling poo!

I hope you are willing to join me on this journey!

As a side note I will no longer be doing word of the day it has now been replaced with PHOBIA of the day!

Phobia of the Day: Peladophobia - the fear of Bald Men

Number of the Day: -4

Animal of the Day: Howler Monkey -Alouatta caraya

Oh to be Sixteen again!

So there I was a 29 year old guy playing "DJ" (I use the term very loosely) for a bunch of sixteen year old girls and I could only think man music has change. They have names like Get Low, SaltShaker, Booty Meat, Freaky Girl, what happened to the good old days of rap music when they talked about " bustin a cap in yo a$$" or "or rolling down the street smokin indo, sippin on gin and juice, or shankin a "blood" due to mismatching colors, (those gangters were really into fashion they never mixed their colors) when did the rap world sell out and become this piece of "booty meat" it has today. So here is my plea! Please bring back the days when I could understand rap and connect with what they were saying to me. I miss those days-

DJ Whitey White is out audi 5000 - peace

Number of the Day: .01 (I think its underappreciated dont you?)

Animal of the Day: King Cobra
Ophiophagus hannah

Lost in the Really Real World...

I remember a line from the movie "The Crow" where this guy has been duct taped into his car and is being lined with Grenades by a guy he killed who has now come back for Vengeance and as he realizing he is going to die he starts saying over and over "this doesn't happen in the really real world man, this doesn't happen in the really real world." So today's topic will be the reality of certain things we like to think don't happen in the "really real world".

Majority of people lie... they will say whatever it takes to avoid confrontation with their friends, I think Amercian Idol is a great example. How many of those people walk in front of the judges and say "my friends/family said I am great and that I will be a super start someday" Now I know love is blind but its not deaf, now I personally appreciate the people who lie because without them there would be no real reason to watch American Idol until the last five minutes of the very last episode and that's just so your not out of the loop at the water cooler the next day. So understand real friends don't lie so if someone tells you you suck in the most loving way they could you just found a true friend, cherish their honesty.

Work sucks... in the "really real world" nobody wants to work, you may enjoy your job but work will always be the bane of our existence, you could have the greatest job in the world but tomorrow if someone said you never have to go to work ever again ninety percent of us would walk out the door and never look back. Ands that the truth!

Just because you learned it on Public Broadcast Television does not make it true... I have heard people quote their local PBS stations as points of reference for historical accuracy only to find out later they were quoting a British Comedy or some documentary from 1972 that is no longer relevant, why is it that just because it is presented in a "public" format we accept it as truth.

And finally in the really real world you are responsible for your actions... Just because someone says something to you doesn't mean you have to let effect your decisions... in the really real world we place so much blame on other people, so and so made me feel this way, made me do this or that, but ultimately we made the decision shouldn't we be held responsible for it.

So just remember the next time you're duct tapped into your 70's model Thunderbird by a guy you thought you killed please understand that its your fault and try not to blame your parents for making you watching to much PBS and ruining your chances at functioning in normal society.

Number of the Day: 3,456.1

Animal of the Day: Fossa (Cryptoprocta ferox)

Word of the Day: 3. objurgate: to scold or rebuke sharply.