Long time no blog!

So its been awhile and I thought I would share with ya'll a story from my past we call this one the "Blocked Sunroof incident of 1998"


It was a friday night and I was out cruising with my friends Dick and Tom, we were in Dick's dodge neon. (the names have been changed to protect the identity of all involved) Well we were scooting on down the road when a car full of young lovelies came rolling up beside us waving and honking. So I'm leaning out the window trying to converse and find a place for us to meet up so we can become better acquainted when Tom decides that he wants to be a part of the conversation, so he pops up through the sunroof, to say his hellos. At this point it was determined that the girls were on their way home and that they could not stop, I proceded to pick up the digits and say my farewells, and as Tom did the same I slid back in the window, but Tom did not. See Tom is a big guy and once he had gotten his stomach through the sunroof he became stuck in the sunroof, thus blocking the sunroof for all else to use. Now this is were good friends would become concerned, they would stop and get out of the car and help Tom with his predicament, but Dick and I while being good friends also have a mean streak a mile wide decide we liked having Tom as a roof ornament and that we should drive around town showing him off. So we proceded for awhile enjoying the scenery of Mesquite with the radio blasting so as the drowned out the obnoxious noise coming from Tom. And this is were the story becomes a public service announcement.
Boys and girls if you ever find yourself in Mesquite, Tx driving around town with a person hanging out of your sunroof, please be aware that this illegal, and that the Mesquite Police will pull you over, however they will not issue you a ticket if you have a legitimate excuse for your actions, and may actually thank you for bringin a little humor to the night. On the other hand your friend Tom may be very upset with you and want to beat you up, so be prepared for the reprecussion for your actions or lack there of.


Tom did eventually forgive us but to this day he refuses to ride with me or Dick.




Phobia of the Day: Amaxophobia- Fear of riding in a car



Number of the Day: 972.222.4589



Where are they now?









Name: Mayim Hoya BialikBorn: December 12, 1975, San Diego, CaliforniaClaim to Fame: Probably 9 out of 10 people know Mayim for her role on the TV Show 'Blossom.' She played the title role of Blossom Russo.Family Life: Married to Michael Stone and they haveone child (born October 2005).Info: Mayim got her first acting break when she was a young girl in the movie 'Beaches.' If you saw the movie you remember she played the young version of Bette Midler's character and she was a dead ringer for the part.Trivia: Her first name means "water" in Hebrew.Was accepted to both Harvard and Yale, but turned them down to attend UCLA.Was good friends with the late Bill Bixby. As he went public with his illness, he directed her sitcom, "Blossom", and continued working up until his death in November 1993.Plays piano, trumpet and bass guitar.Adopted a whale, a wolf and a manatee.Is an accomplished dancer. She and "Blossom" co-star, Jenna von Oÿ took lessons in between breaks in the filming season.Where is She Now: For a while it seemed like Mayim just completely left show business. Truth is she threw herself into college and graduated from UCLA June 2000.And even while she was in school, she was never totally away from showbiz work. She did a lot of voiceover work. You may have heard her in Hey Arnold! and some video games.In 2001 she was the music director for the UCLA Jewish a capella group "Shir Bruin"I can't confirm if she completed or is close to completing her doctorate in Neuroscience. Either way, she's one smart cookie!On 11th October 2005 gave birth to a baby boy, her first child.She has recently been seen in the Kirstie Alley series 'Fat Actress' which airs on Showtime.Mayim also continues to do voiceover work for cartoons and video games.

Life in the slow lane... a funny story.

It all started when I was 16 I had just gotten my first car - a beautiful 1984 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme, it was poo brown where there was still paint and I was rolling on the factory 15's if you know what I'm sayin!

So I went out cruzin my new ride, (seat back and riding low like any respectable hood rat would) and I wasnt more than two miles from my house when the police decided it didnt look right for me to be in such a nice car, I guess they thought I stole it seeing as how it would be the first choice of many car thiefs. (See pic below, not the actual car but darn close)

So there I was my first joy ride not even five minutes old and already I'm getting popped by the fuzz.

Where I got pulled over was pretty busy intersection and it was a Saturday morning, and in Mesquite when you look like I used to and you drive a car as nice as this one (remember see pic above) they automatically assume you are up to no good, so of course they pulled me out of my car, and handcuffed me for "their safety" while they began an all out assault on my pristine vehicle. (Of course it didnt help that a couple of friends of my drove by and yelled out the window, "Officer be sure to check for pot!") Well of course this just led to a breach of my personal space, involving one extremely rough officer and a frisk that seemed more like a date gone horribly wrong than a search of my person.

So as I sat there handcuffed in the back of a mesquite police patrol car I pondered these thoughts: Do they have special handcuffs for midgets?

By the way this whole time they still hadnt told me the reason they pulled me over. finally the officer walks over and pulls me out of the back fo the car and takes off the handcuffs. I ask him what did and he said "You ran a red light, but your free to go with justa warning this time."

See this is where a smart non authority challenging youth would have said sir got back in the car and drove away, to not be harassed by the cops another day. But me being the guy that I am decided to state the obvious to the cop, "Dude theres not even a stop light around here!" well needless to say that was not the reactions they were looking for and after several minutes of being berated by the officer, about respect for him, for myslef and for the world it was time for me to be on my way, so I said thank you for your time officer (in the most sarcastic voice possible of course) and walked to my car and so began my relationship with the Mesquite Police Department. I am sure there will be many more stories shared on my blog but as for today that is it!

Phobia of the Day: Amaxophobia- Fear of riding in a car

Number of the Day: 911

And now for a special addition to todays blog we will be doing a "Where are they are now Segment" cause frankly animal of the day was getting old!!

Updated: 02/20/2005
Name: Peter Billingsley

Born: April 16, 1971, New York, New York

Claim to Fame: Peter is probably most noted for his role of Ralphie in a "A Christmas Story" Remember Ralphie's numerous requests for a genuine Red Ryder B-B gun that were repeatedly greeted with "You'll shoot your eye out." I just love that movie.But Peter actually got his start when he was nine years old on the TV series "Real People". He was there to provide the children's angle on the show.

Family Life: Great-grandnephew of Stork Club impresario Sherman Billingsley (his maternal great-grandfather was Fred Billingsley who was Sherman's brother).Brother of Melissa Michaelsen and Neil Billingsley (both actors)..Info: When I was in college in Arizona, my coach (I played basketball) also taught at a private school, Phoenix Country Day School. It was K-12th grade and only about 150 kids went there.He also was the High School baseball coach of this ultra exclusive school. (Hi Coach K!). Anyway he used to get his college students some jobs helping out around the school. We were all broke and needed money. To make a long story short. Peter went to this school along with his sister Melissa. Both of them were very nice and sweet kids. Not like so many others who were so snobby (some Wrigley kids, especially). This was right before "A Christmas Story" came out, and his sister was actually more popular at the time. Where Is He Now: He is now enjoying the success of directing, writing, and editing many music videos and short form programs.Peter is co-producing "Zathura: which Jon Favreau is directing. That's the third thing with Jon that Peter has produced.He and Jon are producers of the IFC program "Dinner For Five."You may have even seen him and Jon this past Thanksgiving asthey hosted a "Dinner For Five" marathon.

The people I dont know...

... make my life as a train rider so much more interesting. I was thinking today that when I ride the train I tend to see same hand full of people everyday, I wonder about these people and their lives, what they do for a living, married or single, happy or sad, what goes on in their day to day lives. And well as you all know I tend to have pretty vivid imagination, as well as be a pretty pessimistic person, so these two things together never play out well, for these people and their imaginary lives. So today I start you off with

Genevieve - Single mother with a small child - they both ride the same train everyday - (this is not her real name but she reminds me of this chick I saw in a movie called "The Matador" and her name was Genevieve") - Her sons name is Julio.

Genevieve seems to live a sad life, she never looks happy and always seems to have something on her mind, she smiled once but that was only because her son asked a lady in front of him why she smelled funny, (she was wearing old lady perfume and smelled like a bathroom), we all got a chuckle out of that. She always stares at the floor. She is younger and dresses in business casual attire. So with that background out of the way here are the stats I have imagined for Genevieve and Julio.

Age 27

Occupation: Ex Stripper who got pregnant and had to get a professional type job so she would have benefits, because she doesnt know who the dad is.

Religion: Catholic: non practicing due to hipocrits.

Family: Probably an overbearing mom who is twice divorced but still belittles her own daughter for having a child and not being married. Her dad left home to get a pack of smokes and never came back only to find out he ran off with a stripper how ironic huh? (lots of strippers in this story could it be because I watched CSI and it involved strippers, I dont know, maybe I shouldnt watch so much TV)

Anyways that was my imaginary life of Genevieve and her son Julio, the illegitnmate child of a strip club patron, who will most likely grow up to be a strip club patron himself, Life its a vicious cycle!

Phobia of the Day: Gymnophobia- Fear of nudity. (at least you would never be a stripper!)

Number of the Day: 8:09

Animal of the Day: Peacock (Pavo, Afropavo) lets face always showing off they stuff like that they are the strippers of the bird world

My Train ride with a smelly guy!

This morning was a new experience for me, I ride the train just about every morning and normally its business types or students, a couple of late night party folk making there way back to Dallas to get their cars (those people are pretty easy to spot). But this morning there was someone new, and man did he stink. At first when you smell something on the train you become paranoid, you do the standard checks of yourself to make sure you are not the producer of said odor. You do the yawn to the right so you can sniff your shirt, you stretch to the left to make sure you applied deodorant, you lean down to retie your shoe to make sure they don't smell, and once you have done the final check you start looking around, discretely of course because you don't want to be rude! And so I started my investigation, first you clear your nose by scratching it, I'm not sure why I think this clears the nose but stick with me here okay. And so we were packed in pretty good about six inches between each of us, and the process of elimination begins, it wasnt well dressed yuppie on my right, it was not the professional business woman on my left, it was not the grandma diagonal to me and that only left one guy, There he stood obviously still recovering from a hard night of playing Russian roulette with a bottle of whiskey and the floor. His clothes were wrinkled and he was swaying in the train, the bad kind of swaying not the good kind. All of us stood there smelling it but not saying anything sly smiles were passed, however the odor was growing worse, the business woman and the grandma got a reprieve seats opened up, still the smell lingered, you could almost see it hanging in the air, I was counting the stops and the minutes, and then he got off, and to my horror I saw the cause of the odor, this young man probably 23 to 24 had crapped himself in a most horrid manner. As soon as the door closed I looked at the yuppie and we laughed out loud, as I was leaving the train the business woman got off too and asked what we laughed at, I explained and thought she was going to die from suffocation from laughter, the three of us bonded that day, and if ever we meet on the train again we will be able to share our poopie drawers guy experience.



Phobia of the Day: Autodysomophobia- Fear of one that has a vile odor.



Number of the Day: Deuce - for obvious reasons



Animal of the Day: Black Bear (Ursus americanus)

Time rears its ugly head one again.

Time has found a way to torture me once again! On March 9 time has decided to launch a full on balls to the wall attack on my sleep pattern. I know she has been plotting this for months, how do I know you ask because she does it every year! (I believe time is a woman, because it is always changing, just like a woman's mind) Anywho I can see her sinister smile as she plans day in and day out, she masks it as a nation wide attack, but I know she only does this so I cant blame her for being late to something! She is evil!

But this year I have a plan of my own, I shall use her own kind against her, I will infiltrate her evil lair using MY WIFE, ha! she'll never see it coming. I sha'll simply have my wife set her alarm to appropriate time, she would never deceive another woman!

And once again man beats woman!

Phobia of the Day: Phronemophobia- Fear of thinking.

Number of the Day: 6

Animal of the Day: Mandrill (Mandrillus sphinx)

Top Five Movie Quotes that can be used in a daily basis!

So I thought I would take the time to share some advice I learned from a dear friends of mine -

If you are ever in a situation where someone asks you for advice because they are down or hurt or angry look them dead in he eye and without missing a beat ask them:

5. Dracula: Dead and Lovin It -

Dr. Steward (Harvey Korman): Would an enema help?

There can be two outcomes in the scenario they hate you forever and never ask you a question again ( bonus you didn't have to answer the question) or its cuts the tension and gives you a second t0 formulate an answer!

____________________________________________________________________

Next time your friend pisses you off or does something completely stupid you will then be able to say:

4. Smokey and the Bandit -

Buford T. Justice (Jackie Gleason): [to his son] There's no way, *no* way that you came from *my* loins. Soon as I get home, first thing I'm gonna do is punch yo mamma in da mouth!

This is a two part insult first you are calling them stupid then you are implying you slept with their mother, from experience its never good to make a comment about sleeping with someones mother.

____________________________________________________________________

Whenever you are in a place that you are uncomfortable, old folks home, day cares, mega churches, you know places with weird people -

3. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade -

Professor Henry Jones (Sean Connery): [to Indiana, while watching a Nazi parade and book burning]

My son, we're pilgrims in an unholy land.

____________________________________________________________________

This one is great for someone you don't know has really pissed you off and is about to find out why its better to run and hide than to stand and fight-

2. Batman -

The Joker (Jack Nicholson): Tell me something, my friend. You ever danced with the devil by the pale moonlight

This works particularly well when you are standing in the dark and the other persons realizes who said it.

____________________________________________________________________

This saying is usable during any situation in life that is a good thing, you win in poker, get the girl, get a promotion, or anything in general.

1. History of the World Part 1

LOUIS XVI (Mel Brooks): "It's good to be the king!"

You may use that at will or make your own list but remember use them wisely if you don't then they can be overused and well we all know what happens there!

Phobia of the day: Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words.

( I don't know if this is real but it made me laugh)

Number of the day: 2-1/2

Animal of the Day: Pine Marten (Martes martes)